Dream

– October 2020 –

I am standing in the back garden of my childhood home. I notice three or four small hedgehogs walking around on the lawn. I try to approach one, but it is frightened of me and scurries away into the undergrowth. I then walk towards the second, but the same thing happens. I feel clumsy, hopeless, inadequate.

I then spot a tiny white kitten—little more than a ball of fluff—skip weightlessly from beside the house and onto the grass towards the third hedgehog. This time, the hedgehog does not react—the kitten poses no threat to him. The kitten then lies down in front of him and begins to gently lick his face.

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I am realising that my inner wounds are like these little hedgehogs. In the past, I would be heavy-handed when approaching them, desperately wishing them to heal and leave me in peace. I would try to be mindful of them, but always behind this effort was aversion. I did not want them. And so they would become defensive, and throw up their spikes of anger, fear, and aggression, preventing me from getting close.

But now I am beginning to approach these inner hedgehogs softly—with great patience, understanding, and care. And they are responding, remaining open while I gently tend to them.

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