Dream

– April, 2020 –

I am with two other men in the main room of a house that is under construction. A fourth man walks in. He is angry, and throws a pile of roof tiles onto the floor, shattering them. It is a pointless, destructive thing to do, and we berate him for his stupidity. He then walks outside.

I follow, and find him poised with his hands against the wall, ready to smash his head into the bricks. He is in despair: his life is unbearable, and he wants to end it. In a moment, I see his suffering clearly and completely. My heart opens and embraces him. I walk over to him, and tell him that it is okay, that people care. I then put my arm around him, and we walk away together.

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There is a part of me that is aggressive and destructive. I try to develop myself—to grow, to move on—but this part always appears, smashing down what I have built up. In the past I did not understand him, and so I feared him, hated him, fought him.

But I realise that he acted in that way to get my attention. As I follow him inside, I find pain—pain that needs to be seen and felt. And I am now more able to provide the space he needs, to see him fully and clearly, and to embrace him with love and understanding. I am befriending him, and welcoming him back from his long exile.

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